The Most Embarrassing Occurrence in a Young Planet's Life. PiH #15

Of course the gas giants don't have problems like that.  But they still get teased about their weight.  And about being composed entirely of a socially unacceptable substance.

Venus' embarrassing geological features can't even be seen through that thick layer of sulfuric acid and CO₂ she always wears.  She might get a date once in a while if she ever tried wearing something a little more flattering.  But that might make Mars' little problem even worse, I imagine.

. . . not that I have any personal experience with that sort of thing.  No, I was NEVER a teenager.

Are planets boring because they're old, or old because they're boring? PIH #14

You know how sometimes there's an idiot behind you who risks his neck to pass, and then later you see him pulled over getting a ticket?  That idiot is me. 

So speed the f%&k up, dammit!!!

We shall see who is laughing when this thing becomes FULLY OPERATIONAL! PiH #13

Folks, if a socially awkward kid shows up at school in a Death Star, you should probably hide under your desk or something.  Seriously.

Yes. Everything we say is in reference to the size of your butt. PiH #12

Give up, Gary.  Whatever you say now will be interpreted in the worst possible way.

Who hopes that Sharon gets hit by an asteroid?  Or poinked with a rocket?  Or sneezed on by Kevin?  Her fate is in your hands now.

Why Determinism has so few followers today. PiH #11

Actually, you'll find that most planets you meet really are Fatalists when it comes down to it.  Sure, their orbits are chaotic in the long run, but they also have really bad memories and will insist that whatever they're doing now is precisely what they were destined to do.

Oh, and don't try to explain it to them.  Trust me, planets hate that.

That's not a question you ever want to hear. PiH #10

Oh, you're attracted to him? Well, that's different.  Nobody has ever been attracted to someone that turns out to be a lousy match for them.  No, sir.  That could never happen!

He's not the first planet to ever get mooned. PiH #9

Hold on just a sec . . . how exactly would they get a room out in space?  That doesn't make any sense.  Talking planets?  Sure, whatever.  But no way is there some sort of space motel that planets can go inside.

Gesundheit! PiH #8

It's even more hellish because this is their first date.  Planets date, right?  Well, just assume that they do for the sake of this cartoon.  OK?

Be sure to subscribe or join so that you don't miss out on any inter-planetary hi-jinks!

I'm still waiting for an answer I can live with. PiH #7

It may come as a shock to many, but the truth is I am no artist.

I mean, I couldn't draw a crooked like with a ruler and a running start.  Which I can only assume is the correct procedure. I don't even draw recognizable stick figures.  Besides, there's already a webcomic like that.

Lots more to come, so subscribe before everyone else does!  Why?  Because.  That's why.

This Violates So Many Laws, Both State, Federal, and Biological. PiH #6

Ha ha, it's funny because, like, how to planets even procreate?  Plus, I have a teenage son of my own.  I don't know how I got him, either.

Subscribe, or something, because there's lots more planetary insanity to come.  You wouldn't want to miss that, would you?  It's just not worth the risk.

He must have some kind of Superpower. PiH #5

What a joker that Gary is.  But eventually, my fellow humans, the joke will be on him, won't it. Yessirree.

It's a very common malady among Planets. PiH # 4

You knew this was coming eventually, didn't you.  The ass-teroid joke.

Super Bonus today:  A picture of me hanging out with my biggest fan!   You guys are the best.  See you in a day or two. 

Why Most Planets Are Still Single. Planets In Hell #3

Think you've got a tough life?  Just be glad you aren't a Planet.  Their lives are hell, apparently.  More to come tomorrow, so stay tuned and tell your astronomy-humor-starved friends.

No, he's just f#&%ing crazy.

The internet would be great if only it had more planetary humor, don't you agree?   Well, I fixed it. Tell your friends.  More comics in a few days!

Right back where you started. Planets In Hell #1

Check back twice a week for updates!  Thanks for reading.